My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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