She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
