Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
