Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
