I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
