He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i think my cat just said my name.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
