For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
