well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
