God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
