lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
