don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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