I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
