You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
