five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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