Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
