I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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