shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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