We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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