Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
