The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
