In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
