Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
