i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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