You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
