Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
