Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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