You work out of a Hotel?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
