Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
