i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
