i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
