in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
your like the ambassador to my penis.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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