Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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