Just fell off a train. Bad.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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