Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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