It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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