Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
