eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
