i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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