i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize