would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
