i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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