True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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