i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize