dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Life is so much better after having sex.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Alive.
So much puke
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
