Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
