life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
