he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
