He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
