He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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