i wish starbucks made bloody marys
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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