i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
