it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
