Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
