There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
