the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
