Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
