I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
