Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
