I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
