Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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