It's like a parade of train wrecks.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
