I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
