just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
