turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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