There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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