the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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