Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
